This week is spring break, so today I took my three kids and my niece to my dad's to cheer him up. He is so lonely, I want so badly to make it better for him but I know that I can't. Saturday he spent the entire day alone at the house. He has not slept in his bed since my mom went in the hospital on January 5th. When he does sleep in a bed and not the recliner he sleeps in one of the guest rooms. My heart aches for him and worries for him constantly. We all managed to have a nice visit, the boys played Wii and basketball outside, and dad cooked hamburgers on the grill. I think he enjoyed cooking for more than just himself. I went over some of the medical bills for the time mom spent in the hospital and at one point I went into their bedroom, and there on the floor sat my mom's purse, as if she were in the other room. That is how I feel, like she is in the other room and we are unable to connect.
The other night I had a beautiful dream of her, I don't remember much of it but we were getting ready for some kind of party and I woke up feeling at peace. I shared with my sister the little I could remember and she shared a dream that she had recently that leaves me feeling distraught and sad each time I think of it.
She dreamed that she saw our mom and said "I love you mom" and my mom said "I love you too" then she said "I miss you" and my mom choked up and said "I miss you too". I don't know why it upsets me so much, but the thought of her missing us breaks my heart. I know it is only a dream but I feel like dreams are sometimes how we communicate with a loved one that has passed, and that is probably why it effects me the way that it has.
