For several months before my mom's death I kept having a sense that we have had it to good for too long. Not such a bad thing, but I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am not saying that I knew what was about to happen or that I am clairvoyant in any way, because never in a million years did I expect my mom to die of "natural causes" at the age of 59, she had always been healthy and moderately active.
One day while I was in the car that I was thinking of all the people who I loved that have died, and my favorite memories of them. In my life the closest person to me out of all of these people was my paternal grandmother, whom we called Gimmie. Gimmie died in September 1995, and we had already lost my 24 year old cousin Brent that February, and my maternal grandfather died in February of 1996. Since their deaths we have lost family or friends scattered through the last thirteen years, and I was saddened and missed them, but in a different way than I had missed my grandmother or like I miss my mom now. While thinking about all of the wonderful people who have touched my life I had an overwhelming feeling that something was going to happen, but what? I felt panicked and tried to push these fears away and was able to distract myself, and it would be a couple of weeks before I felt this way again. In all I had these feelings four or five times from September through December 2008. I felt in some way that it was to good to be true that our family had stayed intact all of this time.
Was this intuition somehow trying to prepare me for what would happen? To answer that, I would say that I was in no way prepared for the events that took place surrounding my mother's death. Maybe I just find things to worry about, maybe I dwell on the past to much, or maybe it wasn't mystical in anyway but part of my nature to look at the worst case scenario.
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